Grief

The response you have to losing someone is called grief. This loss can impact many areas of your life – from the physical, mental and emotional, to the social and spiritual.

You may feel grief for people you loved very much, but you may also feel grief if you lose someone you had a complicated relationship with, or hadn’t seen in a long time.

You may feel sad, numb, disbelief, lonely, guilty, angry, relieved or accepting. It’s common to have trouble sleeping, cry a lot or have difficulty crying, lose your appetite, or not be interested in your usual activities. You may feel tired or lack energy, be forgetful or not able to concentrate, or not want to go out and do things you usually would.

Some people have a big emotional reaction right away, but other people may “get on with life” for a while before feelings of grief happen.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone mourns in their own way and in their own time.

Coping with grief doesn’t mean getting over the person’s death. It’s about finding ways to adapt to the loss. It may be according to religious or spiritual practices, but it can also be more personal. Even though your relative or friend is no longer physically present, they remain part of you and your life. This ongoing connection can be a source of comfort in your grief.

You might feel pressure from yourself or others to get over it and get on with life, but grief has no set stages or time line. It can seem like a roller-coaster – sometimes you might feel yourself “coming good” and then swiftly go downhill again for a while. The sorrow may never go away completely, but most people gradually adapt to the loss. The pain will usually become less intense as you come to terms with how your life has changed.

Sometimes, the pain does not seem to ease over time. If you’re concerned that your grief is stopping you from living your life, professional support may be helpful. At any stage of grief, you can call Cancer Council on 13 11 20 to talk about how you are feeling or connect with further support. The palliative care team may also offer support.

For more on this, see Understanding grief.

→ READ MORE: End-of-life support and information

Podcast: Coping with Grief

Listen to more episodes from our podcast for people affected by advanced cancer