In this section we talk about the effect on the people close to you.
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Overview
Your family and friends, like you, may feel shocked and overwhelmed when they find out cancer is at the end stage. They may have a range of reactions.
They may become overprotective and offer to help in any way they can, not wanting to leave you alone, or they may pull away and withdraw from your life. They might refuse to believe the prognosis, saying things like “I’m sure you’ll get better” or “You’ll beat this”, or suggest various forms of treatment or alternative therapies.
Some reactions can feel surprising, frustrating or even hurtful. But family and friends also need time to adjust to the news and come to terms with how they’re feeling.
Partners
The emotional support provided by partners can be vital. But partners can feel just as distressed and depressed as the person who is dying.
Be open and honest about the roles you expect each other to play. Do you want a partner to be “hands on” with your care, or would you prefer that a health professional looks after you, especially in the end stages of dying? Does your partner want to care for you? Listening to what each other wants, or feels they can take on, may help you both cope better.
→ READ MORE: If you live alone
Podcast: Living with Dying
Listen to more episodes of our podcast for people affected by cancer
More resources
Fiona Wiseman, Senior Social Worker, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Grace Berwald, Consumer; Peta Brydon, Metastatic McGrath Breast Care Clinical Nurse Consultant, The Kinghorn Cancer Centre, NSW; Kate Bunyan, Social Worker, Psychosocial Lead, Cancer and Palliative Supportive Care, Canberra Region Cancer Centre, ACT; Hayden Christie, Medical Oncologist and Clinical Director Cancer Care Service and Clinical Lead of the VAD Service for Wide Bay Hospital and Health Service, QLD; John Clements, Consumer; Claire Davies, Spiritual Care Practitioner, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Joanne Dean, Nurse Practitioner, PEACE Team, Clare Holland House, ACT; A/Prof Michael Franco, Medical Oncologist and Palliative Medicine Physician, Deputy Head – Monash Medical School, Monash University, VIC; Dr Sally Greenaway, WSLHD Director of Supportive and Palliative Care, Senior Staff Specialist Clinical Haematology and Clinical Ethics Service, NSW; Maree Grier, Clinical Psychologist, Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital, QLD; Dr Catherine Joyce, National Manager, Advance Care Planning Australia; Mattesse Kitchin, Consumer; Penny Neller, Project Manager, End of Life Law for Clinicians, Australian Centre for Health Law Research, Queensland University of Technology, QLD; Caitriona Nienaber 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council WA; Palliative Care Australia; A/Prof Joel Rhee, Head of Discipline of General Practice, School of Clinical Medicine, University of New South Wales, NSW.
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