Knowing you will die offers you a special opportunity – the chance to say goodbye to those you love and care about. It’s sad and difficult, but some people say they feel lucky that they’ve had the time to prepare.
Learn more about:
Saying goodbye
Saying goodbye is a personal experience, so do what is right for you. When you feel you are ready, consider how you will say goodbye.
You might set aside a time to talk to each person individually. Or, if you are physically up to it, you might have a gathering for friends and family. In some cultures, having extended family or Mob with you near the end of life is important. Tell your healthcare team what you would prefer. While there may be limits on the number of visitors at a hospital or palliative care unit at times, your healthcare team will try to support your wishes.
If you have children or grandchildren, you could ask that any letter or recording is to be given to them at a specific age or time in their life.
You (or your friends) could also create a slideshow or book of special photos. A memory box can be a special keepsake for your family.
You may find it hard to think about a time when you won’t be there for your family, but leaving behind mementos can be helpful and comforting for them. If your children are very young, they’ll understand your words and sentiments when they’re older.
If you have a pet, you may want to consider who will care for them. A family member or friend may want to look after them, and you could consider leaving money in your will to cover this care. You could also look on local online pet message boards or talk to your local RSPCA to see whether they have a program for rehoming pets.
Celebrating your life
Knowing you are going to die gives you a chance to reflect on your life and all that you have done, and to think about your legacy. You could talk with family and friends about the special times you have shared together.
You might like to share some of your belongings or a small keepsake with family members and friends as a permanent reminder.
You could also write letters or stories of your life, record special memories, make a short film or video featuring you with your friends, review or arrange photo albums, document your family’s history or family tree, make a playlist of favourite songs, gather treasured recipes into a cookbook, or create artwork or music.
There are also paid and voluntary services that can help you make a record of your life.
Making a memory box
A memory box is a collection of keepsakes for your family. You can put in anything that is meaningful to you, but some suggestions include a:
- treasured photo
- video of a family event
- special birthday card
- favourite cap, tie, scarf or other item of clothing
- list of shared memories
- lock of hair
- family recipe
- pressed flower from your garden
- bottle of your favourite perfume or aftershave.
→ READ MORE: Caring for someone who is dying
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Fiona Wiseman, Senior Social Worker, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Grace Berwald, Consumer; Peta Brydon, Metastatic McGrath Breast Care Clinical Nurse Consultant, The Kinghorn Cancer Centre, NSW; Kate Bunyan, Social Worker, Psychosocial Lead, Cancer and Palliative Supportive Care, Canberra Region Cancer Centre, ACT; Hayden Christie, Medical Oncologist and Clinical Director Cancer Care Service and Clinical Lead of the VAD Service for Wide Bay Hospital and Health Service, QLD; John Clements, Consumer; Claire Davies, Spiritual Care Practitioner, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Joanne Dean, Nurse Practitioner, PEACE Team, Clare Holland House, ACT; A/Prof Michael Franco, Medical Oncologist and Palliative Medicine Physician, Deputy Head – Monash Medical School, Monash University, VIC; Dr Sally Greenaway, WSLHD Director of Supportive and Palliative Care, Senior Staff Specialist Clinical Haematology and Clinical Ethics Service, NSW; Maree Grier, Clinical Psychologist, Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital, QLD; Dr Catherine Joyce, National Manager, Advance Care Planning Australia; Mattesse Kitchin, Consumer; Penny Neller, Project Manager, End of Life Law for Clinicians, Australian Centre for Health Law Research, Queensland University of Technology, QLD; Caitriona Nienaber 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council WA; Palliative Care Australia; A/Prof Joel Rhee, Head of Discipline of General Practice, School of Clinical Medicine, University of New South Wales, NSW.
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