What is grief?
The response you have to losing someone is called grief. This loss can impact many areas of your life – from the physical, mental and emotional, to the social and spiritual.
Different types of grief
You may feel grief for people you loved very much, but you may also feel grief if you lose someone you had a complicated relationship with, or hadn’t seen in a long time.
Common reactions to grief
You may feel sad, numb, disbelief, lonely, guilty, angry, relieved or accepting.
It’s common to have trouble sleeping, cry a lot or have difficulty crying, lose your appetite, or not be interested in your usual activities. You may feel tired or lack energy, be forgetful or not able to concentrate, or not want to go out and do things you usually would.
Some people have a big emotional reaction right away, but other people may “get on with life” for a while before feelings of grief happen.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone mourns in their own way and in their own time.
Adapting to loss
Coping with grief doesn’t mean getting over the person’s death. It’s about finding ways to adapt to the loss. It may be according to religious or spiritual practices, but it can also be more personal.
Even though your relative or friend is no longer physically present, they remain part of you and your life. This ongoing connection can be a source of comfort in your grief.
The unpredictability of grief
You might feel pressure from yourself or others to get over it and get on with life, but grief has no set stages or time line. It can seem like a roller-coaster – sometimes you might feel yourself “coming good” and then swiftly go downhill again for a while.
The sorrow may never go away completely, but most people gradually adapt to the loss. The pain will usually become less intense as you come to terms with how your life has changed.
Seeking support for grief
Sometimes, the pain does not seem to ease over time. If you’re concerned that your grief is stopping you from living your life, professional support may be helpful. At any stage of grief, you can call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20 to talk about how you are feeling or connect with further support. The palliative care team may also offer support.
For more on this, see Understanding grief.
→ READ MORE: End-of-life support and information
Podcast: Coping with Grief
Listen to more episodes from our podcast for people affected by advanced cancer
Fiona Wiseman, Senior Social Worker, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Grace Berwald, Consumer; Peta Brydon, Metastatic McGrath Breast Care Clinical Nurse Consultant, The Kinghorn Cancer Centre, NSW; Kate Bunyan, Social Worker, Psychosocial Lead, Cancer and Palliative Supportive Care, Canberra Region Cancer Centre, ACT; Hayden Christie, Medical Oncologist and Clinical Director Cancer Care Service and Clinical Lead of the VAD Service for Wide Bay Hospital and Health Service, QLD; John Clements, Consumer; Claire Davies, Spiritual Care Practitioner, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Joanne Dean, Nurse Practitioner, PEACE Team, Clare Holland House, ACT; A/Prof Michael Franco, Medical Oncologist and Palliative Medicine Physician, Deputy Head – Monash Medical School, Monash University, VIC; Dr Sally Greenaway, WSLHD Director of Supportive and Palliative Care, Senior Staff Specialist Clinical Haematology and Clinical Ethics Service, NSW; Maree Grier, Clinical Psychologist, Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital, QLD; Dr Catherine Joyce, National Manager, Advance Care Planning Australia; Mattesse Kitchin, Consumer; Penny Neller, Project Manager, End of Life Law for Clinicians, Australian Centre for Health Law Research, Queensland University of Technology, QLD; Caitriona Nienaber 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council WA; Palliative Care Australia; A/Prof Joel Rhee, Head of Discipline of General Practice, School of Clinical Medicine, University of New South Wales, NSW.
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