Use this guide to help shape your first conversation about cancer, adjusting the information to suit your children’s ages and reactions. The suggestions here may help you work out what you want to say.
Use words they can understand
You can share the news with a few short sentences explaining what you know so far and what is likely to happen next. Be clear about the name of the cancer, the part of the body affected and how the cancer will be treated.
To help explain cancer terms, you can:
- use the glossary
- get hints from websites
- download Camp Quality’s Kids’ Guide to Cancer app from the App Store (Apple devices) or Google Play (Android devices). It provides information about cancer for kids aged up to 15 years.
For younger children, accept that they may ask the same question several times. Each time you answer, they will absorb a little more information. Older children may be distant and quiet while they process what you’ve told them.
Find out what they already know
Once you have explained the basics, ask your kids what else they want to know, and only answer questions that they ask. Don’t assume children will have the same concerns as you; you can give them more details later if needed.
Ask your children what they know about cancer and clear up any misinformation or myths (e.g. they
might think that they can catch cancer or that everyone dies from cancer). Children get information from various sources, such as school friends and social media, and they may have their own ideas of what having cancer means. Parents can guide their children towards accurate online information.
It’s okay to say “I don’t know”
If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s fine to say so. Tell your children that you’ll try to find out the answer from the doctor and let them know as soon as possible. Make sure you follow this through.
Tell them what to expect
Your children are likely to want to know what treatment will mean for their day-to-day lives. If you are in hospital, who will drop them to school, make them dinner, take them to after-school activities? To normalise the process and make sure everyone knows what to expect, you could have a physical calendar with treatment days and other events marked out.
Ask them if they want to tell anyone
Children may want to tell their close friends, their teacher, the whole class – or nobody. Explain
that it’s helpful to share the diagnosis with a few key people, such as their main teacher and the
school principal, as well as other important people in their life, such as a music tutor or sports
coach. See ideas about talking to the school.
Offer realistic hope
Tell kids that although cancer can be serious and going through treatment can be challenging, there will be good days, not-so-good days and relatively “normal” days. Explain that with the help of the treatment teams and doctors, you (or the person with cancer) will be doing everything possible to get well.
Show your love and emotion
Tell your children that you love them. You may show your love through hugging them, comforting them, or other ways of making them feel valuable. Some parents worry about crying in front of their children.
It can be helpful for kids to know that strong feelings such as anger and sadness are normal and expressing them can make people feel better. Being open with each other about feelings can help your children cope.
→ READ MORE: Coping with kids’ reactions
After Dad told us, the six of us sat around crying and hugging one another. Despite the sadness of the occasion, we actually had a pleasant dinner with lots of laughter. Our lives changed from that day.
LILY, AGED 17
Podcast: Explaining Cancer to Kids
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Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
