If you need to prepare a child for the death of someone they care about, it can be hard to find the words to use. Learn some tips on answering specific questions.
Learn about the words you should use for:
Infants, toddlers and preschoolers
| When advanced cancer is diagnosed | “Some people with this sort of cancer recover, but some don’t. I’m going to do everything I can to get better.” |
| When end of life is near | “I am very sick now. The doctors say there isn’t any medicine that can make me better. We think that means I am going to die soon. We will try to spend some special quiet time together.” |
| To explain death | “I have some very sad news to tell you. Grandma died last night. When Grandma died, her body stopped working – she can’t breathe or move or cuddle you anymore. A dead body can’t come back to life. We won’t be able to see Grandma again, but we will always know she loved us.” |
Younger children
| When advanced cancer is diagnosed | “Some people with this sort of cancer get better, but some don’t. I’m trying to do everything I can to treat the cancer, and I will always let you know how I’m feeling.” |
| When end of life is near | “The doctors say that the treatments have stopped working for me. There isn’t anything else they can do to make me better. We think that means I will die soon. We want to make the most of the time I have left.” |
| To explain death | “I have some very sad news to tell you. Grandma died last night. She can’t breathe or move anymore. We won’t be able to see Grandma again, but we will always know she loved us. Is there anything you’d like to know about how Grandma died?” |
Older children and teenagers
| When advanced cancer is diagnosed | “Some people with this sort of cancer recover, but some don’t. I’m planning to do everything I can to keep the cancer under control, and I will always let you know how the treatments are going.” |
| When end of life is near | “The doctors say that the treatments haven’t worked for me. There isn’t anything else they can do to treat the cancer. We think that means I will die soon. We want to make the most of the time I have left.” |
| To explain death | “I have some very sad news to tell you; Grandma died last night. Is there anything you’d like to know about how Grandma died?” |
→ READ MORE: How children react
Podcast: Explaining Cancer to Kids
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Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
