Need support?

A child’s ability to cope is often closely linked to how their parents are faring. Kids often copy parents’ behaviour, so if their mum or dad is depressed and anxious, they are more likely to be too. It is important to seek support if you feel overwhelmed.

• Family and friends are usually keen to help. Let them know what you need – they will probably be relieved that you can ask for help and give them something to do.
• Practical assistance and information from Cancer Council and other support services can help ease your worries.
• Manage stress by using complementary therapies, such as massage, hypnotherapy or relaxation techniques.
• CanTeen, Camp Quality and Redkite have programs that may help you and your children cope with cancer.
• Lifeline and Kids Helpline both provide 24-hour telephone counselling. 

Many professionals and organisations can help you to communicate with your children throughout your experience with cancer. You don’t need to have a specific problem to make contact with these services. You can ask for help even before breaking the news to your children. A health professional could practise the conversations with you so that you feel better prepared.

You can also ask health professionals and organisations for help if you are worried about your children’s behaviour. You may choose to see or call the professional yourself, and to use their advice to sort out the problem.

Most parents, with the right advice, can support their children through difficult situations. Occasionally, a child may need to attend a consultation, and parents might be asked to come too.

Who can help?

A range of professionals may be able to help you if you are concerned about your child:

Your GP and specialists – may be able to talk to your children, or help you decide whether to consult a psychologist

Nurses – may be the most constant contact you have with the treatment centre and are a source of valuable information and support

Social workers – talk to patients every day about communication issues and have a wealth of knowledge about services

Psychologists and counsellors – can help you with communication and behavioural issues (call Cancer Council 13 11 20 for more information)

School counsellors – are trained in child development and can be an enormous source of support and ideas

Psychiatrists – will see children with more serious issues (you will need a referral from a GP if your child is treated privately)

A parent’s instincts about their children are usually pretty accurate. If you feel concerned about how your child is coping, it is a good sign that it is worth seeing a professional. Some families tolerate and deal with behaviour that other families find unacceptable. You need to decide what is worrying behaviour in the context of your own family and the particular child.

The role of school staff

Teachers and other school staff can be among the first people to notice that something is troubling a young person. Because they see children five days a week for many weeks in a row, they are well placed to observe behaviour, concentration levels, grades, eating habits and engagement with peers. This is one of the reasons it is so important to let the school know what is going on at home and to ask them to contact you if they have any concerns about how your child is coping.

Warning signs

If your child’s behaviour has changed (e.g. aggressive or regressive behaviour) and the change persists, it may be worth seeking advice. It’s not unusual for a child to revert to less mature ways of coping, such as wetting the bed. A few times is okay, but if it goes on every night for a month, the child is clearly struggling.

Another example of a significant behavioural change is when a child refuses to go to school. They may say they are too sick for school, but actually have separation anxiety and think they have to stay home to look after Mum. An occasional reluctance to go to school is not unusual, but if it becomes a pattern, it can be a warning sign.

Other warning signs include:

• a persistent change in eating habits
• noticeable concentration challenges (dropping grades)
• a significant increase in time spent online
• altered sleeping patterns
• increased risk-taking behaviours
• a lack of engagement with friends.

If an adult notices such changes, especially if there are multiple changes, it would be worth seeking professional advice.

Distress signals

A young person should be referred to professional help if they:

• say they want to die too
• are extremely preoccupied with dying
• suffer academically or at work for an extended period
• act sad and withdrawn, or demonstrate severe behaviour like self-harm
• have trouble socialising
• simply need someone to talk to.

A serious illness often causes practical and financial problems. Many services are available to help you deal with these difficulties:

Financial or legal assistance – Government benefits and pensions and community programs may help pay for prescription medicines, transport to medical appointments, utility bills or basic legal advice.

Home nursing care – Community nursing services or local palliative care services may be able to provide nursing at home.

Help at home – Meals on Wheels, home care services, aids and appliances can be arranged to help make life easier at home.

Subsidised travel and accomodation – If you need to travel long distances for treatment, you may be able to get help with transport and accomodation costs.

Carers groups – Carers Australia and Carers NSW can provide information, referrals, counselling and support for people who are caring for someone with cancer. They also run Young Carers to support kids who are caring for a parent. 

Who to ask – To find out which services are available in your area and whether you are eligible to receive them, call Cancer Council 13 11 20 or speak to your hospital social worker, occupational therapist or physiotherapist.