When a sibling has cancer, it affects the whole family. Read more about the emotional struggles siblings face and strategies to provide them with support.
Learn more about:
Supporting siblings of children with cancer
The siblings of children with cancer sometimes feel forgotten in the midst of a diagnosis. Parental
attention is suddenly shifted, and daily routines, family roles and family responsibilities change.
Along with sadness, fear and anxiety, siblings may struggle with more complex emotions such as
guilt, jealousy, resentment and anger. With so much focus on their brother or sister, they may feel
that their needs do not deserve to be met and that they are not allowed to complain.
Many children take on caring roles, whether they are asked to or not.
Some kids may feel self-conscious about their family being different from others. Some may be
reluctant to tell their friends and teachers about the situation at home. If cancer changes how their brother or sister looks, they may feel embarrassed and shy away from being seen with their sibling.
Helping siblings adjust to cancer in the family
You can help your children adjust to the changes in your family by talking openly and honestly. Your kids may be reassured to know the following:
- It’s not their fault.
- They can support their brother or sister by visiting the hospital and having regular contact.
- It’s okay to have fun.
- Feeling cross is normal.
- They are loved and will always be looked after.
See more tips in When another child has cancer.
Family conversations
My third child, Leo, was diagnosed with leukaemia when he was 5 years old. We didn’t tell the kids straightaway – we needed time to digest the news ourselves. I couldn’t even tell my parents.
Leo knew he was sick because he felt so unwell. We told him he was in the best place and that the doctors and nurses would help to make him better. That was enough at first.
Because Leo’s siblings were such different ages, I told them individually, but the key messages were the same: Leo hadn’t done anything to cause the leukaemia, it’s not contagious, and he would get well – it was important to offer hope. I told them that Leo would look different because of the treatment and that it would take a long while.
We wanted all the kids to feel involved with Leo’s treatment – we said, “You are part of the team, you are part of this.” The hospital became part of our family life.
GENEVIEVE, MOTHER OF FOUR CHILDREN AGED 3, 5, 10 AND 14
→ READ MORE: When another child has cancer
Podcast: Family Dynamics and Cancer
Listen to more episodes from our podcast for people affected by cancer
More resources
Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
