In preparing children for the loss of a parent or another significant person, it’s helpful to understand how death is perceived at different ages. Children’s grief may be expressed through their behaviour or how they play.
Learn about the different views of:
How to support grieving children
Each child will react to loss in their own way. Do not underestimate the impact of a bereavement,
even if a child is very young or does not seem sad. Their grief may be expressed through play or
other behaviour.
Children often work through feelings slowly, facing them in bearable doses. Allow children space to
grieve – you do not need to “fix” their sorrow. Let them know
that it is natural for people to show sadness in various ways, just like other emotions.
Call Cancer Council 13 11 20 for bereavement information and support, or contact Grief Australia at
grief.org.au, Griefline on 1300 845 745 or at griefline.org.au and Cancer Hub on 1800 431 312 or cancerhub.org.au.
Newborns, infants and toddlers (0-3 years)
Babies don’t have any knowledge of death but can sense when their routine is disrupted and when their carers are absent. Toddlers often do not understand that death is permanent.
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Preschoolers (3-5 years)
By the preschool years, children are starting to understand the concept of death but struggle with the idea that death is permanent (e.g. they may repeatedly ask about death, or ask when the dead parent is coming home). Young children don’t have an adult concept of time and understand only what’s happening now.
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Primary schoolchildren (5-12 years)
By the primary school years, children may understand death but often don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with it.
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Teenagers (12-18 years)
Teenagers can understand death but may not have the emotional capacity to deal with its impact. They need as much preparation as possible for a parent’s death. Like adults, teenagers’ responses to death vary. Some may be more upset when their parent is unwell than following the death, others become distressed after the death.
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→ READ MORE: Family life after treatment
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Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
