In this section we discuss the affect treatment may have on family life and ways to manage this.
Learn more about:
- Overview
- Acknowledging disappoinment
- Managing emotions
- Encouraging family time
- Spending one-on-one time
- Maintaining discipline
- Encouraging children to help
- Single-parent families
- Staying in touch
Overview
If you are a parent with cancer, you may be keen to keep life as normal as possible for your kids
during treatment. But this can be challenging when you are coping with treatment and recovery,
because of frequent trips to the hospital, changes to your appearance or lower energy levels. You
may feel guilty about not being able to do all the usual things with, and for, your kids.
There are no easy solutions to this problem, but you can make the most of your good days by doing
fun things with the family. On the not-so-good days, let your kids know, rather than trying to
protect them from the reality of how you’re feeling.
Acknowledging disappointment
It is normal for children to think mostly of themselves and how a situation affects them. Some
older children and teenagers may seem annoyed about the diagnosis and act as if they don’t care
about their parent. You may find their reaction hurtful or frustrating, but it is common and
age-appropriate.
It can be helpful to acknowledge your child’s disappointment: “I know you’re finding it frustrating
that I can’t watch you play soccer like I usually do, but I am not feeling well and I just need
some quiet time right now.”
You may like to tell younger children: “I know you feel upset that I can’t play with you. I am sad
too, but I am very tired. Let’s think about what we can do tomorrow when I feel better.”
It’s also important that children and teenagers understand that how they behave won’t affect your
health and recovery. Children might assume they have to protect their parent, or act in a certain
way or their parent won’t get better.
Accept help
If you are a parent caring for someone with cancer, such as your partner or your own parent, you
may feel like you have little time and energy left for your children. Although asking for and
accepting help can be difficult, it may relieve some pressure and allow you to spend
more time together as a family.
See Caring for Someone with Cancer to learn ways to look after yourself and how to take a break – and you can also find a list of support services for carers.
→ READ MORE: Managing emotions
Podcast: Family Dynamics and Cancer
Listen to more episodes from our podcast for people affected by cancer
More resources
Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
