When a family member is diagnosed with cancer, it can be difficult for parents to spend one-on-one time with their children. One way to focus your attention and care is to schedule a weekly 30-minute session with your child or teenager. This may help them feel important, valued and understood.
Talk with your children about the type of activities and family time that are important to them. If you have more than one child, you may need to alternate weeks for one-on-one time depending on your energy levels.
How play sessions can help with younger children
A younger child may not have developed the thinking or language skills to describe how they’re feeling, but a play session can help the child to express feelings, make sense of events, and understand the world. Their play may reveal an inner world that you would never know about from what they say.
They may:
- act out a story with toys or puppets
- use fantasy and dress-up
- draw, paint or play games
- talk about their experience.
One-on-one time with teenagers
Teenagers may enjoy spending time with friends, but one-on-one time with you is important. You may like to visit a favourite cafe, go for a walk, watch a movie or listen to music with them.
Family time
“I tried to get some rest during the day so that I was bright and more energetic when the family came home from school and work in the evening. I didn’t want them to feel they had a sick mum all the time – I was only sick from the treatment, not from the disease itself.
It was important to spend time together as a family. Special times together often opened up questions for the kids.
Talking is not the only way of communicating about feelings – in fact, it often goes over the head of a young child. When my kids were younger, it worked better to use dolls or stuffed animals to play out being sick, having treatment and getting well again.”
LIZ, MOTHER OF THREE CHILDREN AGED 10, 16 AND 18
→ READ MORE: Maintaining discipline
Podcast: Family Dynamics and Cancer
Listen to more episodes from our podcast for people affected by cancer
More resources
Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
