Learn helpful tips for preparing to talk to kids about cancer and find the right words during this challenging time.
| Finding the right words | Parents often doubt their ability to find the right words and to answer the questions their children may ask. It’s not a matter of “getting it right”, rather it’s doing the best that you can at a challenging time. Take the time to plan what you’ll say. Be honest about how you are feeling – it can help children share their feelings too. |
| Practise saying difficult phrases | You may find it helpful to say certain phrases out loud before talking to your children. For example, you might practise saying “I have cancer” or “Grandma has cancer”. This means you’ve spoken the words and perhaps dealt with some of the anxiety attached to those words before you talk with your kids. You can also practise the conversation in front of a mirror. This helps set the words in your mind. |
| Be ready for questions and reactions | Even if you practise what to say and you think you know how your kids will respond, be prepared for questions and a wide range of reactions. |
| Ending the conversation | Before talking to your children, think about how the conversation might end. You could organise an activity, such as playing a game or going to the park, to help your children settle again. |
| Supporting older children | Older children may prefer some time alone, or you may suggest watching a TV show or movie together. Let your kids know that they can talk to you or another trusted adult any time they have questions or concerns. |
When things don’t go to plan
There is no “right” way to tell your children about a cancer diagnosis. If you end up blurting out
the news or your child reacts differently to how you expected, don’t worry.
There will be many conversations over time, and this is just one of them. Don’t worry if a
conversation doesn’t go exactly as planned – children benefit from your care and honesty over time.
Your child may even react in a way that causes hurt or offence. If this happens, remember that children may not react with feelings of sadness straightaway. They may need time to understand what is being said, and what it means.
Remind your child that they can ask questions or talk to you about their concerns at any time.
If you are feeling hurt or offended, try to deal with these feelings away from your child. Talking
to friends, family or a health professional can help you make sense of your feelings.
→ READ MORE: What do children need to know?
After Dad told us, the six of us sat around crying and hugging one another. Despite the sadness of the occasion, we actually had a pleasant dinner with lots of laughter. Our lives changed from that day.
LILY, AGED 17
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Joanna Fardell, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy Director, The Behavioural Sciences Unit, School of Clinical Medicine, UNSW Medicine, UNSW, NSW; Dr Diana Adams, Medical Oncologist, Macarthur Cancer Therapy Centre and GenesisCare Campbelltown, NSW; Emma Bowne, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Ken Colbert, Consumer; Cara Dahl, Team Leader – Online Support, Cancer Hub, and ACA Registered Counsellor, NSW; Elizabeth Egan, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology, St John of God Subiaco Hospital, WA; Dr Maria Ftanou, Director, Psychosocial Oncology Program, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Nat Fuss, Senior Clinician, Canteen, SA; Helena Hobson, Senior Social Worker, Cancer Centre, Fiona Stanley Hospital and South Metropolitan Health Service, WA; Nadine Macbeth, Social Work Team Leader, Cancer and Chronic Care, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Damian Ragusa, General Manager – Services and Programs, Camp Quality; The Team at Redkite; Alexandra Wright, Consumer.
We would also like to thank the health professionals, consumers, organisations and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title, and we are grateful to the parents and young people whose real-life stories have added to the richness and relevance of this booklet.
We also thank and acknowledge Dr Paula K Rauch, American Cancer Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, Jessica Watt and Diane McGeachy for permission to use their work as source material.
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
