What words should I use?

You know you have to talk about it, but it’s hard to know what to say. Even if these suggestions don’t fit your situation, they might give you a starting point.

With your partner

With a new partner

“I feel like I never have any energy for sex, but I’m worried about how you’re feeling about that. Maybe we can work out a plan together.”

“I am going to show you the way I like to be touched and the places that are sore and out of bounds.”

“I feel ready for sex again, but I’d like to take things slowly.”

“There are some things I would like to try to do together that will help us feel close and connected, without ‘going all the way’.”

“I really miss our sex life. When should we talk about being physically close again?”

“That’s the right spot, but a lighter touch would feel good.”

“The cancer treatment changed my body in different ways. It’s hard to talk about the changes, but I want you to know about them. The treatment left me with [a stoma/erection problems/etc.].”

“Before we get really serious, I want to let you know how cancer treatment affected my fertility. I can’t physically have/father children, but I’m willing to explore other ways of becoming a parent down the track.”

“I really like where our relationship is going. I need you to know that I had cancer some years ago, but I’m afraid you might prefer to be with someone who hasn’t had cancer. What are your thoughts about it?”

“I am still interested in sex, but we might have to be a little inventive.”

“I haven’t had sex since my cancer treatment and I’m worried about how things will go. How do you feel about taking things slowly?”

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This information was last reviewed in May 2019. View who reviewed this content.

Helena Green, Clinical Sexologist and Counsellor, inSync for Life, WA; Anita Brown-Major, Occupational Therapist, Thrive Rehab, VIC; Karina Campbell, Consumer; Nicole Kinnane, Nurse Consultant, Gynae-oncology Services, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Jessica Medd, Senior Clinical Psychologist, Headway Health and Concord Hospital, NSW; Chris Rivett, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Kath Schubach, Urology Nurse Practitioner, President – Australia and New Zealand Urological Nurses Society (ANZUNS), VIC; Prof Jane Ussher, Chair, Women’s Health Psychology, Translational Health Research Institute (THRI), School of Medicine, Western Sydney University, NSW; Maria Voukelatos, Consumer. We would like to thank the health professionals, consumers and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title.

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