Adapting to changes

There are several ways to prepare for sex and intimacy changes during or after cancer treatment:

Talk openly with your partner – Share any concerns you have about having sex or being intimate. Tell them when you’re ready to have sex, what level of intensity you prefer, if they should do anything differently and how they can help you to feel pleasure.

Ask your partner how they are feeling – They may be worried about hurting you or appearing too eager.

Take it slowly – It may be easier to start with cuddles or a sensual massage the first few times, rather than penetrative sex.

Plan ahead – Sex may be less unplanned after treatment because of needing to use vaginal lubricants or erection devices. Choose a time when pain and fatigue are at their lowest.

Explore different sexual practices – Some of the ways you used to enjoy having sex may be more difficult or not possible after cancer treatment. Keep an open mind about ways to feel sexual pleasure – explore different erogenous zones, such as the breasts, ears or thighs; mutual masturbation; oral sex; personal lubricants; vibrators and other sex toys; erotic images and stories; and sexual fantasies.

Focus on other aspects of your relationship – Many relationships do not depend on sex, but be mindful if this is important to your partner. Spend time together doing something you both enjoy.

Try exploring your sexuality on your own – Self-stimulation (masturbation) can help you understand what’s changed and what feels good, and you can then talk about this with your partner.

Use relaxation and meditation techniques – These can help you stay in the moment with your partner. Your treatment centre may run a program where you can learn such techniques, or may be able to direct you to organisations that run these programs.

Seek assistance – Talk to your doctor or ask for a referral to a sexual health physician or sex therapist to help you find solutions.

Be patient – Many people find that things often improve with time and practice.

If you’re a young adult

During and after cancer treatment, young people need to continue to develop and mature. This means living as normal a life as possible, which might include going on dates or having a girlfriend or boyfriend. These activities can feel especially challenging if you are dealing with changes to how you look or fertility issues, particularly if you haven’t had much experience of sex.

As well as talking to your treatment team and possibly seeing a sex therapist, you could get in touch with CanTeen.

CanTeen offers counselling in person or by phone, email or instant messaging. CanTeen also runs online forums and camps. To learn more call 1800 226 833.

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This information was last reviewed in May 2019. View who reviewed this content.

Helena Green, Clinical Sexologist and Counsellor, inSync for Life, WA; Anita Brown-Major, Occupational Therapist, Thrive Rehab, VIC; Karina Campbell, Consumer; Nicole Kinnane, Nurse Consultant, Gynae-oncology Services, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Jessica Medd, Senior Clinical Psychologist, Headway Health and Concord Hospital, NSW; Chris Rivett, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Kath Schubach, Urology Nurse Practitioner, President – Australia and New Zealand Urological Nurses Society (ANZUNS), VIC; Prof Jane Ussher, Chair, Women’s Health Psychology, Translational Health Research Institute (THRI), School of Medicine, Western Sydney University, NSW; Maria Voukelatos, Consumer. We would like to thank the health professionals, consumers and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title.

View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.