Communicating with your partner

Problems can arise due to misunderstandings, differing expectations and different ways of adapting to changes. The key to adjusting to sexual changes after cancer is communication. If you have a partner, discuss how you’re feeling, and your concerns and needs. Talk about ways you can adapt your sexual activities during and after cancer treatment. Even if you had a good relationship before the diagnosis and found it easy to share your thoughts, you may not have openly talked about sex in your relationship.

Common barriers to talking about sex during and after cancer treatment include: embarrassment; lack of time or privacy; fear of rejection; fear of getting cancer; and waiting for the other person to mention it.

While it can feel easier to avoid talking about sex when you are both coping with the demands of cancer and treatment, this can often lead to frustration and confusion, as neither of you will have your needs met. See this table for some ways to start talking to your partner. Let your partner know what you’re going through and how they can help you cope. It could help to acknowledge that your relationship is changing and that you both need time to adjust.

Tips for communicating with your partner

It helps to set aside time for intimacy.
Plan to have a regular meal together or go for a walk.
Try to focus on activities that don’t involve penetrative sex such as hugging, skin-to-skin contact or massage.
If you need support talking to each other, consider counselling – call Cancer Council 13 11 20 or ask your doctor or nurse how to find a counsellor in your area.
Listen to our podcast on Sex and Cancer

This information was last reviewed in May 2019. View who reviewed this content.

Helena Green, Clinical Sexologist and Counsellor, inSync for Life, WA; Anita Brown-Major, Occupational Therapist, Thrive Rehab, VIC; Karina Campbell, Consumer; Nicole Kinnane, Nurse Consultant, Gynae-oncology Services, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, VIC; Jessica Medd, Senior Clinical Psychologist, Headway Health and Concord Hospital, NSW; Chris Rivett, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council SA; Kath Schubach, Urology Nurse Practitioner, President – Australia and New Zealand Urological Nurses Society (ANZUNS), VIC; Prof Jane Ussher, Chair, Women’s Health Psychology, Translational Health Research Institute (THRI), School of Medicine, Western Sydney University, NSW; Maria Voukelatos, Consumer. We would like to thank the health professionals, consumers and editorial teams who have worked on previous editions of this title.

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