Having a stoma usually worries the person with the stoma more than their partner. Getting used to looking after the stoma will help your confidence, and sex may feel more relaxed with a little planning. The bag won’t come off during sex if it’s properly sealed.
Tips for sex if you have a stoma
- Wait for 2–3 hours after a big meal before having sex.
- Change the bag and check the seal, so you don’t worry about it leaking. Tape the pouch to your skin so it doesn’t move around.
- You can cover the bag with a specially made fabric pouch. Or you can fold the bag in half and cover it with a cummerbund (wide elastic support band). You can wear a “body tube” that covers the belly, with a hidden pocket for the bag.
- Wear clothes that make you feel good – a mini-slip, short nightgown, special stoma underwear or boxer shorts. High-waisted underwear can cover the stoma, or crotchless underwear may help if you don’t want to get completely naked.
- Try positions that don’t push on the stoma (e.g. lying side by side). A pillow can help protect the stoma.
- Ask a stomal therapy nurse about learning irrigation. This is when you use a stoma cap or a small pouch (a “mini”) during sex. You can only use a cap or mini if you’re sure no waste will come out. Take care, as a cap or mini can’t hold any outflow. You might want to use one during oral sex, so that a bag is not near your partner’s face.
- Use a pouch deodorant or essential oils in the room if you’re worried about smell.
- Never use your stoma for sex. It is dangerous for the stoma to be penetrated.
- Contact a stoma association for support. Find one near you at The Australian Council of Stoma Associations.
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Dr Michael Lowy, Sexual Health Physician, Sydney Men’s Health, NSW; Gregory Bock, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology Coordinator, Urology Cancer Nurse Coordination Service, Cancer Network WA; Anita Brown-Major, Occupational Therapist and Director, Thrive Rehab, VIC; Helena Green, Psychosexual Therapist and Clinical Sexologist, Insync for Life Psychology and Women Centre, WA; Dr Lisa Mackenzie, Clinical Psychologist, HNE Centre for Gynaecological Cancer, Hunter New England Local Health District, NSW; Dr Tonia Mezzini, Sexual Health Physician, East Obstetrics and Gynaecology, SA; Sophie Otto, Prostate Cancer Nurse Consultant – Central Adelaide Local Health Network (CALHN), SA; Giovanna Raco, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council Victoria; Kath Schubach, Urology Nurse Practitioner, VIC; Emily Stevens, Gynaecology Oncology Clinical Nurse Consultant, Southern Adelaide Local Health Network, Flinders Medical Centre, SA; Anja Vukovic, Clinical Specialist Social Worker, Gynaecological Oncology, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Alan White, Consumer; Kathleen Wilkins, Consumer; Merran Williams, Consumer.
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