Emotional support

Be a good listener

Resolve conflict

• Sit somewhere private where you will not be interrupted.
• Make it clear that you are there for as long as needed (e.g. switch off your mobile phone).
• Maintain eye contact.
• Listen carefully to what may be behind the words. Try not to think about something else or plan what you will say next.
• Acknowledge that dealing with cancer is difficult. Ask open questions to help you understand how the other person is feeling.
• Avoid interrupting or changing the subject.
• Allow the person to be sad, upset or cry. You don’t have to keep them happy all the time.
• Check your understanding of what they’ve said by repeating information or paraphrasing.
• Wait to be asked before giving any advice.
• Try to not make comparisons with other people’s situations.
• Use humour to relieve tension, if appropriate.

• Let the other person know that you care about them and want to resolve your differences.
• Be honest about what you’re thinking and feeling.
• Try to talk through the issues calmly. Hear each other out and work towards a solution, rather than seeing the other person as the problem.
• Talk about your expectations. For example, some people with advanced cancer choose to stop having treatment. You may find this hard to accept if you feel they are giving up and you want them to try other options.
• Choose your battles – it may help to focus your energy on the issues that really matter.
• If a discussion becomes heated, take a break and talk later when you are both calmer.
• Arrange for others to take on the caring role for a short time.
• Discuss the situation with your GP or ask for a referral to a social worker, counsellor or psychologist who can help you manage the conflict