Asking others for help

It can be difficult to ask for and accept assistance, but if you seem to be coping, others may not realise you need help. Family and friends may be waiting for you to ask because they don’t know how to offer or fear they will be intruding or disturbing you. Let them know their support is appreciated and that they’re not interfering.

Asking for help is not a sign of failure; it may allow you to spend more time with the person you’re caring for or to take a break.

You may want to hold a family meeting to work out how everyone can help and then prepare a roster. This lets family and friends know exactly what help you need and when you would like it. It means others don’t have to guess what they can do to help.

Tasks that can be done by or shared with others

• household chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, shopping, gardening or looking after pets
• driving the person with cancer to appointments and/or attending appointments with them
• picking up children from school or other activities
• looking up information
• keeping others updated
• staying with the person you care for while you take a break.

At first, I didn’t ask for help, because I didn’t want to bother anyone. I see caring as my duty; I have to do it. I now realise people genuinely want to help. They need my help to show them how.

Gavin