When the person you care for dies

There are many services available to help with the practical and legal aspects of the person’s death.

Learn more about these services at Facing End of Life. You can also talk to the social worker on the palliative care team.

After the person dies, you may feel a range of emotions, including:

• numbness and shock, or a sense of disbelief, even if you thought you were prepared
• sadness
• relief that the person is no longer in pain
• shocked that you feel relieved to be free of the burden of caring and can now make plans for your future
• anger towards the doctors or the hospital, your god or the person for dying
• guilt about things you did or didn’t do, about not being there at the time of death, or about how you are feeling.

All these reactions are common. Feeling relief or guilt is not a sign that you didn’t care. These emotions may come and go and change in intensity over time. Support groups (face-to-face, telephone or online) or counselling can help you get through times when your grief seems overwhelming.

For information about grief after a person has died from cancer, see Understanding grief, download the booklet from this page, or call Cancer Council 13 11 20.

I feel I am now coping well with the loss of my husband. It is coming up to four years and I will always miss him; however, my life now has to be lived without him. I keep myself busy and I am doing okay.

Fiona

Listen to podcasts on Cancer Affects the Carer Too and How to Help Someone with Cancer