Concerns for partners

It can be difficult to see someone you love have cancer. Even though you don’t have cancer, it still affects you. Take time to look after your own health, and talk to a counsellor or your doctor if you need support.

Ways to talk about sex

Some people are content not having sex. If you miss this part of the relationship, you can find ways to have sex again. If your partner has lost interest in sex, you may feel guilty bringing it up. Never pressure your partner or ask for anything they aren’t comfortable with. But it’s okay to talk about intimacy. Learn ways to improve communication and start a conversation.

Find out what is safe

You may worry about hurting your partner or putting yourself at risk. Ask what feels okay (or they can show you) or talk to their doctor if you are both unsure what is safe.

Connect through touch

If your partner is not ready for sex, you can still be close in other ways. Touching, holding, hugging and massaging can show love, support and that you still find them attractive. This takes the pressure off both of you. You can stroke their scars to show that you accept the changes to their body.

Acknowledge your feelings

You may be facing the possibility of losing your partner. If they have recovered, you may be relieved but feel tired, sad or worried still. You are both going through a difficult time, so allow yourselves time to adjust. If you still find it hard to cope with the changes, it may help to talk to a counsellor.

For more on this, see Caring for someone with cancer and listen to our podcast on Cancer Affects the Carer Too.

My husband has more sexual needs than me, and during my treatment he didn’t pressure me or make me feel bad about not initiating sex…I really appreciated it.

Catherine

I took hold of my partner’s hand… Her response was, ‘Do you realise this is the first time that you’ve touched me in three weeks?’, and I’m a fairly tactile person.

Ian

Podcast: Sex and Cancer

Listen to more of our podcast for people affected by cancer