Loss of desire

Explore the reasons behind the loss of desire during cancer treatment and how it affects libido and self-esteem.

Learn more about:

• Changes in libido during cancer treatment
• Common causes of low libido
• What to expect after treatment
• Tips for when your libido is low

Changes in libido during cancer treatment

While loss of desire may not happen to some people, changes in sex drive or interest (low libido) are common during cancer treatment.

Common causes of low libido

There are many reasons why your libido may change, including:

• treatment side effects, such as feeling tired and sick
• pain from cancer or when recovering from surgery
• being too worried or stressed about your health to think about sex
• fear of pain during penetrative sex
• changes in your hormone levels
• feeling less confident or having lower self-esteem if treatment has changed the way you look.

What to expect after treatment

For most people, their libido returns after active treatment ends. But keep in mind that hormone levels also change naturally with age, and this can lower your sex drive as you get older.

Adjusting to changes in sex drive can be emotionally and physically challenging for people with cancer. Discuss things with your partner, so they understand what’s going on and don’t feel hurt or rejected.

Tips for when your libido is low

• Make time to be with your partner. Plan a “date” or a fun activity to do.
• Enjoy physical contact without sexual penetration. Try skin-to-skin touch, such as massaging each other, or having a bath together.
• Keep an open mind. You could read or watch something erotic, or try toys like vibrators or personal lubricants. These may help spark your interest in sex, or your partner can masturbate, either alone or with you present.
• Touching yourself and gently masturbating can help you learn what feels good. This can also help you explain to or show your partner how you would like to be touched.
• Change the setting. If your home reminds you of treatment, book a night away or use a different room in the house that is not associated with cancer. You could even consider going away for the weekend.
• Rearrange your bedroom or redecorate it once your treatment is over.
• If your usual positions for sex are no longer comfortable, try different ones to find something that feels better.
• Use cushions or pillows to support your body.
• Ask your doctor to check your hormone levels. This may explain some changes in your libido.
• Try different ways of getting in the mood for intimacy – whatever makes you feel sexy, relaxed and good about each other.
• You could wear clothes that make you feel sensual.
• Create an intimate atmosphere by turning off phones and minimising distractions. Or try lighting candles and playing soothing music.
• You could share an erotic fantasy.

My wife went off sex completely during her treatment, which was difficult for me. When we talked about it, and she told me she still loved me, it made me feel better.

David

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