Understand how cancer treatment can affect your sex life and intimacy. Discover ways to cope with these changes.
Learn more about:
- Sex and intimacy after cancer
- Adapting to changes in your sex life
- The types of challenges you may face
- Communicating with your partner
- Talking with a new partner
Sex and intimacy after cancer
Cancer can affect your relationship with partners, family, friends and colleagues. Many people say cancer treatment also changes their sex life and intimacy. These changes may last for a short time, a long time, or be permanent. For some people, this is one of the hardest parts of life during or after cancer.
Although some people with cancer say that sex is the last thing on their mind, others still want the closeness and comfort that intimacy can bring. Cancer and the stress of everyday life may mean sex and intimacy are not a priority, but this can change with time.
Sex after cancer may be different. Treatment, getting older or other medical conditions may mean accepting that you’ll never have your previous sexual ability. But you can still find ways to have a fulfilling sex life, that is “good enough”. You may need to try new ways to connect – both physically and emotionally. Taking time to focus on intimacy may help strengthen your relationship.
If you identify as LGBTQI+, you can find additional information about cancer, including changes to
your sex life, at LGBTQI+ people and cancer.
Adapting to changes in your sex life
Changes to how you enjoy sexual intimacy and activity can be challenging and upsetting. Give yourself time to adjust. This section offers general information, as well as help with specific challenges. You might find that the suggestions below for adapting to how you have sex after cancer are a useful place to start.
 | Talk about what has changedShare any concerns you have, about sex or being intimate, with your partner. Tell them when you feel ready to have sex, what still works for you, what doesn’t, and if they should do anything differently. |
| Try other forms of intimacyShow affection by cuddling, holding hands, lying together naked, kissing or giving a massage. Discuss what’s changed to avoid misunderstandings and take the pressure off going any further. |
| Explore different ways to have sexIf the way you used to have sex has changed, try new sexual positions or explore different erogenous zones. You could try manual sex using fingers for penetration, mutual masturbation, oral sex, genital rubbing with personal lubricants (lube), vibrators or sex toys, erotic images and stories, or sexual fantasies. |
| Plan aheadUsing lubricants (lube) and erection devices, taking medicines, and managing incontinence or stomas may all mean you have to plan when to have sex. Some people say they miss spontaneity, others find that scheduling sexual activity gives them something to look forward to. |
| Focus on other aspects of your relationshipMany people in relationships don’t see sex as the most important part of being together. Feelings about sex may also change as you get older. Spend time doing things you both enjoy and that may bring you closer. Then sex isn’t the only way you show affection and share intimacy. |
| Use relaxation and meditation techniquesFeeling relaxed can help you enjoy sex more. You can use free apps and podcasts to guide you through relaxation and meditation techniques. Many treatment centres run meditation programs.Listen to meditation and relaxation podcast. |
| Explore what has changed on your ownTouch and masturbation can help you to understand what has changed in how you feel. You have complete control and can find out what feels good, or what feels sore or numb, without any pressure to “perform” or to keep going with a partner. Once you feel more comfortable, you can show your partner what feels good and what works best for you. |
| Seek helpAsk your health care team how to manage any sexual changes. Your doctor can also refer you to a sexual health physician, sex therapist or psychosexual counsellor. |
→ READ MORE: The types of challenges you may face
Podcast: Meditation and Relaxation
Listen to more of our meditation and relaxation podcast for people affected by cancer
Podcast: Sex and Cancer
Listen to more of our podcast for people affected by cancer
More resources
Dr Michael Lowy, Sexual Health Physician, Sydney Men’s Health, NSW; Gregory Bock, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology Coordinator, Urology Cancer Nurse Coordination Service, Cancer Network WA; Anita Brown-Major, Occupational Therapist and Director, Thrive Rehab, VIC; Helena Green, Psychosexual Therapist and Clinical Sexologist, Insync for Life Psychology and Women Centre, WA; Dr Lisa Mackenzie, Clinical Psychologist, HNE Centre for Gynaecological Cancer, Hunter New England Local Health District, NSW; Dr Tonia Mezzini, Sexual Health Physician, East Obstetrics and Gynaecology, SA; Sophie Otto, Prostate Cancer Nurse Consultant – Central Adelaide Local Health Network (CALHN), SA; Giovanna Raco, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council Victoria; Kath Schubach, Urology Nurse Practitioner, VIC; Emily Stevens, Gynaecology Oncology Clinical Nurse Consultant, Southern Adelaide Local Health Network, Flinders Medical Centre, SA; Anja Vukovic, Clinical Specialist Social Worker, Gynaecological Oncology, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Alan White, Consumer; Kathleen Wilkins, Consumer; Merran Williams, Consumer.
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