Changes to how you enjoy sexual intimacy and activity can be challenging and upsetting. Give yourself time to adjust. There are several ways to adapt how you have sex during or after cancer treatment. You might find some of the following tips useful.
 | Talk about what has changedShare any concerns about having sex or being intimate with your partner/s. Tell them when you are ready to have sex, what feels comfortable, what doesn’t and if they should do anything differently. |
 | Try other forms of intimacyShow affection by cuddling, holding hands, lying together naked, kissing and massaging. Talking about change can help avoid misunderstandings and reduce pressure to go further. |
 | Explore different ways to have sexIf the way you used to have sex has changed, you could try different sexual positions; exploring other erogenous zones; manual sex, including fingering and fisting; mutual masturbation; oral sex; genital rubbing; personal lubricants (lube); vibrators and other sex toys; erotic images and stories; sexual fantasies and kink. |
 | Plan aheadUsing lubricants (lube) and erection devices, taking medicines, or managing incontinence or a stoma may mean you need to plan when to have sex. Some people say they miss spontaneity, others find that scheduling sexual activity gives them something to look forward to. |
 | Focus on other aspects of your relationshipMany people in relationships do not see sex as important. How you feel about sex may also change as you get older. Spend time together doing things you both enjoy and that bring you closer. This helps make sure sex isn’t the only way you show affection or share intimacy. |
 | Use relaxation and meditation techniquesFeeling relaxed can help with sexual pleasure. Use free apps and podcasts to guide you through relaxation and meditation techniques. Many treatment centres run meditation programs.Listen to our meditation and relaxation podcast. |
 | Explore what has changed on your ownTouch and masturbation can help you understand any changes in how you feel in a way that you have complete control over. You can work out what feels good to, or what feels sore or numb, without feeling self-conscious or pressure to “perform” or to keep going if you don’t want to. Once you feel comfortable exploring your body, you can show your partner/s what feels good and works best. |
 | Seek assistanceAsk your health care team how to manage any sexual changes. Your doctor can also refer you to a sexual health physician, sex therapist or psychosexual counsellor. |
Health professionals may assume that returning to sexual activity is a recovery goal. For asexual people, this can feel alienating. It is important that your care team understands what intimacy means to you, and what matters most in your recovery.
Learn more about sexuality, intimacy and cancer.
→ READ MORE: Communicating with your partner/s
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This resource was developed as part of the Western Sydney University Out with Cancer research project.
Prof Alison Brand, Clinical Professor, The University of Sydney and Director, Department of Gynaecological Oncology, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Dr Daniel Brown, Clinical Psychologist and Researcher, School of Psychology and Public Health, La Trobe University, VIC; Dr Rosalie Power, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy HDR Director, Translational Health Research Institute (THRI), Western Sydney University, NSW; Dr Sarah Bishop Browne, Palliative and Supportive Care Staff Specialist, Chris O’Brien Lifehouse, NSW; Collette Butler, Clinical Nurse Consultant and McGrath Breast Care Nurse, Cancer Support Centre, Launceston, TAS; Prof Ada Cheung, Endocrinologist, NHMRC and Dame Kate Campbell Research Fellow and Head, Trans Health Research Group, The University of Melbourne, VIC; Dr Tiffany Daly, Radiation Oncologist, Princess Alexandra Hospital, Raymond Terrace, QLD; A/Prof Ian Faragher, The University of Melbourne and Head, Colorectal and General Surgery Unit, Western Health, VIC; Hall & Wilcox (law firm); A/Prof Peter Heathcote, Urologist, Brisbane Urology Clinic, QLD; Prof Richard Hillman, Senior Staff Specialist, HIV and Immunology, St Vincent’s Health Network, Sydney, NSW; Mads Kennedy, Project Coordinator, Silver Rainbow, LGBTIQ+ Health Australia, NSW; Dr Sanjeev Kumar, Breast Cancer Medical Oncologist and Clinician Scientist, Chris O’Brien Lifehouse, NSW; Madeline Lee, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council NSW; Luke Mitchell, Urological and Sexual Health Nurse Practitioner, Men’s Health Melbourne, VIC; Nadia Reddish, Consumer; Dr Stephen Rowles, Sexual Health Physician and General Practitioner, The Centre Clinic and Melbourne Sexual Health Centre, VIC; Teresa Simpson, Senior Clinician, Psycho-Oncology Social Work Service, Cancer Therapy Centre, Liverpool Hospital, NSW; Mel Tume, Consumer; Prof Jane Ussher, Professor of Women’s Health Psychology and Chief Investigator, Out with Cancer Study, Western Sydney University, NSW; Syr Lumi Vor, Community Member; John Wenborn, Shine a Light (LGBTQIA+ Cancer Support Group). We also thank the health professionals, consumers and editorial teams who worked on the first the edition of this title. We particularly acknowledge ACON and Intersex Human Rights Australia for their extensive input on the first edition. Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag designed by Valentino Vecchietti (2021).
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
