Learn how talking with your partner can help you handle challenges during cancer treatment and strengthen your relationship.
Learn more about:
- Overview
- Sexual activity and LGBTQI+ young people
- Sexual activity and single people
- Tips for hooking up
Overview
Coping with cancer or treatment may affect your relationship with sexual partners. Your established roles may change, your partner/s may worry that sex will hurt you, or you might feel too tired for intimacy.
Talking openly during treatment can help you work through these changes together. If changes after cancer treatment are getting in the way of a fulfilling sex life, ask your GP or cancer specialists for a referral to a counsellor, sexual health physician or sex therapist.
Sexual activity and LGBTIQA+ young people
Adolescence and the young adult years are often a time for exploring your sexuality and identity, including your sexual orientation and gender. A cancer diagnosis can make this process more complex. If you’ve recently started exploring your identity, needing to have treatment for cancer may interrupt this.
Feeling isolated
If you already feel different or isolated from people your own age because of your sexual orientation, gender or intersex variation, cancer can make you feel even more lonely.
Worrying about disclosure
Getting diagnosed and treated for cancer means seeing many health services. It can be hard to talk about your sexual orientation, gender or intersex variation with others when you are still working it out or have only recently come out. Some young people hide their identity from health professionals, because they fear being judged, discriminated against or outed to family.
Get in touch with Canteen. This organisation offers face-to-face or online counselling. Canteen also runs online forums and camps. Call 1800 226 833 or visit Canteen.
Some health services have adolescent and young adult support teams for young people with cancer. If you’re feeling anxious or depressed, call QLife on 1800 184 527.
Sexual activity and single people
If you’re single, you may feel nervous about hook-ups or starting a new relationship during or after treatment. You may wonder when or if you have to tell a new person about your cancer diagnosis. This could depend on whether the relationship is casual or becoming longer term.
It may help to take new relationships slowly and share personal information when you feel you can trust the person. You can talk about how to adapt your sexual activity, try activities without penetration, or change the length and intensity of your sexual encounters. You can also talk to a psychosexual or relationship therapist for more suggestions.
You might decide that you want to focus on your health and wellbeing or that you don’t have the energy for hook-ups or a new relationship.
Tips for hooking up
- Set boundaries via messages before meeting.
- Consider mentioning your cancer diagnosis on your dating profile.
- Share details of your diagnosis and side effects when you feel ready. You don’t have to reveal everything at once. You can disclose information over several conversations, in person or via text.
- Practise what you want to say so it feels more natural.
- Talk to a psychosexual or relationship counsellor for strategies and support.
For more general information on starting new relationships, see Sexuality, intimacy and cancer.
→ READ MORE: Fertility after cancer
Podcast: Sex and Cancer
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Key resource
The information on this page is also available for download.
This resource was developed as part of the Western Sydney University Out with Cancer research project.
Prof Alison Brand, Clinical Professor, The University of Sydney and Director, Department of Gynaecological Oncology, Westmead Hospital, NSW; Dr Daniel Brown, Clinical Psychologist and Researcher, School of Psychology and Public Health, La Trobe University, VIC; Dr Rosalie Power, Senior Research Fellow and Deputy HDR Director, Translational Health Research Institute (THRI), Western Sydney University, NSW; Dr Sarah Bishop Browne, Palliative and Supportive Care Staff Specialist, Chris O’Brien Lifehouse, NSW; Collette Butler, Clinical Nurse Consultant and McGrath Breast Care Nurse, Cancer Support Centre, Launceston, TAS; Prof Ada Cheung, Endocrinologist, NHMRC and Dame Kate Campbell Research Fellow and Head, Trans Health Research Group, The University of Melbourne, VIC; Dr Tiffany Daly, Radiation Oncologist, Princess Alexandra Hospital, Raymond Terrace, QLD; A/Prof Ian Faragher, The University of Melbourne and Head, Colorectal and General Surgery Unit, Western Health, VIC; Hall & Wilcox (law firm); A/Prof Peter Heathcote, Urologist, Brisbane Urology Clinic, QLD; Prof Richard Hillman, Senior Staff Specialist, HIV and Immunology, St Vincent’s Health Network, Sydney, NSW; Mads Kennedy, Project Coordinator, Silver Rainbow, LGBTIQ+ Health Australia, NSW; Dr Sanjeev Kumar, Breast Cancer Medical Oncologist and Clinician Scientist, Chris O’Brien Lifehouse, NSW; Madeline Lee, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council NSW; Luke Mitchell, Urological and Sexual Health Nurse Practitioner, Men’s Health Melbourne, VIC; Nadia Reddish, Consumer; Dr Stephen Rowles, Sexual Health Physician and General Practitioner, The Centre Clinic and Melbourne Sexual Health Centre, VIC; Teresa Simpson, Senior Clinician, Psycho-Oncology Social Work Service, Cancer Therapy Centre, Liverpool Hospital, NSW; Mel Tume, Consumer; Prof Jane Ussher, Professor of Women’s Health Psychology and Chief Investigator, Out with Cancer Study, Western Sydney University, NSW; Syr Lumi Vor, Community Member; John Wenborn, Shine a Light (LGBTQIA+ Cancer Support Group). We also thank the health professionals, consumers and editorial teams who worked on the first the edition of this title. We particularly acknowledge ACON and Intersex Human Rights Australia for their extensive input on the first edition. Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag designed by Valentino Vecchietti (2021).
View the Cancer Council NSW editorial policy.
