Finding ways to cope

Caring for someone with cancer is not always easy or satisfying. Many carers say they feel overburdened and resentful.

The following strategies may help you cope. See also Ways to manage your emotions.

Focus on the value of caring

Acknowledging the benefits of caring may help you feel better. These may include learning new skills, strengthening your relationship as you demonstrate your love, and gaining satisfaction from providing care to someone in need.

Set boundaries and limits

Outline what you are comfortable helping with, the level of workload you can manage, and what your own needs are. For example, if you find it difficult to wash or provide intimate care to the person you are looking after, consider organising regular visits from a care worker. You are allowed to say no.

Organise your time

Use your phone or a diary to keep track of information and appointments, and to help you prioritise your weekly tasks and activities.

Draw on spirituality

Some people find meaning and comfort in their religion, faith and spiritual beliefs. Others may experience spirituality more generally. A cancer diagnosis can challenge the beliefs of some people. It may help to talk about your feelings with a spiritual care practitioner, religious leader or counsellor.

Deal with uncertainty

When the person you care for is having treatment, life may seem less predictable and it may be hard to plan ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful and feel that their life is in limbo. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on those things you can control right now. Letting go of what you cannot control leaves you with more energy and mental capacity.

Keep a journal

Writing down what has been happening may allow you to release your worries or frustrations. Reading back through journal entries can provide perspective – you may see that some days are better than others. It also lets you reflect on how you’re coping and identify areas you need assistance with.

Look for reliable information

It may help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options. Going with the person to medical appointments can give you a better understanding of the treatment plan.