The ‘up and down’ nature of grief

People sometimes speak of stages of grief, but grief isn’t something you begin one day, move through step by step, and come out from unchanged. Rather, the stages reflect a range of emotions that you may move between.

For most people, grief involves ups and downs. They may move between focusing on the loss (crying, missing the person, feeling pain) and going forward (returning to activities, learning new skills, forming new relationships). This can feel chaotic, but both the ups and downs are part of grief.

Most people find they slowly learn to cope better with their loss. Don’t worry if it seems like two steps forward and one step back. It is common to have feelings of intense grief again and again. The experience is often described as like being on a roller-coaster, but it can also be thought of as a series of cycles or waves.