How to tell others
Sharing news of the diagnosis can be difficult. You may feel uncomfortable talking about personal matters, or you may be unsure of how family and friends will react.
You might want to protect your loved ones, but sharing the news may bring you closer together. Being able to share your anxiety and fear may make you feel stronger and help you through difficult times. You shouldn’t have to face cancer alone. People close to you probably want to know what is happening so they can provide support.
Sometimes you may feel that nobody understands what you’re going through. At a time when you need support, try not to shut others out.
Tips
- Tell people about the diagnosis when you feel ready.
- If you already communicate well with certain people – for example, particular family members – build on this bond. You may find that talking about cancer is not as difficult as you had anticipated.
- Be prepared for questions but draw boundaries. After hearing you have cancer, people will want more details, such as
what treatment you are having. Answer their questions if you are comfortable. You don’t have to share every detail with everyone.
Should I tell?
Trying to hide the diagnosis is usually unsuccessful. Sooner or later, family and friends will learn that you have cancer. Most people will be aware that something is troubling you or notice changes in your behaviour or appearance.
Your close family and friends will probably feel hurt or left out if you don’t tell them.
How do I tell the children ?
When you are diagnosed with cancer, one of your priorities might be telling your children.
Some people avoid telling their children they have cancer. However, children usually sense something is wrong even if they don’t know what it is. When not told what is going on, children may imagine the worst. They may also find out from someone else, which can make them feel angry and confused.
Some parents think they are protecting their children by withholding bad news. In fact, your children may benefit by your open and honest approach. With planning, practice and support from family or health professionals, most parents are able to talk to their kids about cancer.
Tips
- Consider what you will say and how you will say it before the discussion.
- Talk to children in a language they understand – younger children need simple explanations and teenagers and young adults might ask for more details.
- Reassure your children you're your illness is not their fault.
- Encourage your children to tell you what they know about cancer, and answer questions honestly.
- Tell other people close to your children (grandparents, friends and school teachers) about your diagnosis and your plan for talking to the children, so that you all say similar things.
- Trusted friends can also talk to your children about cancer if you feel unable.
More information
• Read When a Parent has Cancer: how to talk to your kids.
When family must decide
Sometimes family members learn about a cancer diagnosis before the patient. They may think the person with cancer is too young or too old to be told the truth.
People with cancer usually say they want to know what is going on, so they can decide what treatment to have and, if the outlook is poor, how best to spend their time.
